Thursday, March 29, 2007

The Weekend Is Here

For me anyway. You suckers who don't get every other Friday off, or who do get every other Friday off but had last Friday off instead of this Friday off, will have to wait. But for me, the weekend is here. Finally. Man it's been a long week. All I want to do tonight is crack a few cold beers, eat some pizza and lounge in front of the TV. Possibly whilst watching Children of Men which, by my calculations, Netflix should have delivered at half past three this afternoon.

This presents a problem.

I decided to buy some life insurance, not enough to make it worth Nikki's while to sign me up for duathlons and bike races, but enough to pay for the house and a nice black dress for her should I kick the bucket tomorrow. Well, technically some time after tomorrow, but, you know, soon.

Before giving me the policy they want to make sure I'm not actually going to kick the bucket tomorrow. This is pretty smart of them, because how would they know I'm a superfit, chiseled, hunk of health? They wouldn't and, probably because of the lies of the usual idiots who spoil it for the rest of us, they will not just take my word for it. So they're sending someone to weigh me and prod me with sticks and stab me with needles and see if I can take a punch and stuff. This person arrives at 9am tomorrow.

If I've had a few bottles of delicious Anchor Steam beer and more pizza than is strictly necessary she may get the false impression that I regularly drink more beer and consume more pizza than I should and based on this false premise decide that her insurance company shouldn't give me a policy.

But man, I'm thirsty.

What to do?


Jen said...

Awww. . . man . . . I miss Star Pizza. So sad.

These life insurance people did the same thing to the husband.

[***Also, be very aware that you don't tell them that you might have on occassion to smoke a cigar now and then. 'Cos otherwise, if they find out after you sign the policy that you have done so since the signing, well, your policy will become pretty much null 'n void. So you may never smoke a Cuban again . . . I'm not saying this actually happened to the husband, I'm just sayin'. . .]

I can't answer your question of "to be or not to be" though. I asked the husband and he doesn't know if beer and za will affect the outcome or not. I can't see how it would, but then again, there's all these weird things in the world today. With all the insurance scams involving lazy people who try to get rich cheatin', well, one just never really knows anymore.

Good luck with this one. I have not a clue.

Ian said...

Well, if an actual real life doctor doesn't know...I'm drinking!

alex said...

I reckon you need a body double. Not for all the time, just for when a group of people are walking round you like a second hand car, critically assessing you and sucking in through pursed lips.

How sharp are the sticks?

Good luck with Children of Men, I thought it was utter rubbish with the strangest ending ever... not to colour your opinion in any way!

Ian said...

The sticks were rather sharp. The needle she used to draw blood was about 8 foot long.

Didn't watch Children of Men. I compromised and went to Taco Milagro to celebrate Arnaud's birthday, for what I'm pretty sure is the 2nd time in 2 months, where I consumed two beers and two shrimp tacos.