Monday, April 14, 2008

A National Disgrace

Heathrow airport has not had a great month, so let me tell you one thing that is brilliant about it: The Heathrow Express. Fast. Clean. Punctual. Jump on the train and you're in the heart of London in 15 minutes. It's great. I hope that, despite the relatively high cost, it is the first impression of Britain for many of the arrivals at Heathrow because here's what's not great: The Heathrow Hotel Hoppa.

Some folks arriving at Heathrow may decide that, after their long journey, they'd like to spend a night, or their layover, in a hotel near the airport. Others may decide that, when leaving, rather than getting to Paddington with their bags and catching the Express to the airport in the morning, they'll spend their last night in the UK in a hotel near the airport. Their first, or last, impression of the UK will then be of this ridiculously inefficient, pettily priced, shambolic embarrassment of a service.

You arrive in the UK, you perhaps haven't got any UK currency yet and you want a bit of sleep, so you head out for the bus to your hotel. Having navigated outside and found out which of the 8 different buses you're going to have to wait at least 15 minutes in the cold for*. Some oik then has the cheek to demand 4 quid to drive you the 5 minutes to your hotel, but certainly isn't going to help you loading your bags. Oik only takes UK cash. Not Euros, not dollars, certainly no minor currency. Don't worry, there's a ticket machine nearby that takes credit cards. For one ticket at a time. Languages other than English might not be available on it. Oik might wait. The bus might not fill up.

Britain can and should do better. If they're not going to let the hotels provide the free shuttles they provide in most other civilised countries ("because of traffic concerns") then at least provide the service for free. If you're going to have the flipping cheek to charge people then at least have detailed timetables, enough shuttles to meet the demand, multi-lingual signage, waiting rooms next to the bus stop and routes that aren't going to visit other terminals before you finally get out of the airport.
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* unless you've had the misfortune to turn up after 9.30 at night or before 6 in the morning, when you're probably really tired, then the wait will be much longer.

13 comments:

Fi said...

You used it??? I thought you were all set to use the free local bus in protest! It IS rubbish. The place where you have to wait (I hesitate to use the phrase bus- stop)feels like you're under the road at the back entrance to Heathrow or hell. Probably because it's the only place they could think of to put it....if they thought about it at all!!
Glad you're home safe.
Great to see you.
Fi...xxx

Vikki said...

Just wait til you do all of the above with your new baby!
I agree with you, it is a disgrace. But I thought Logan airport in Boston was a heap o crap too. Although they were having the 'Big Dig' when we were there and using that as an excuse. Basically, travelling is painful. Did you manage to get all your bags at least? My friend was going to a wedding in London via T5 and had a v long wait...

Nikki said...

yes we used the hotel hoppa. didn't fancy using the local buses at 9:30pm with 3 large bags. If we had more time I'd definitely use the free local bus though, the stop was right outside our hotel.

Ian said...

Yeah, if our BMI plane had got in on time and if we'd been able to check our bags in for the flight the next day we'd have taken the local bus. To the hotel, at least. The bus back to the airport would have involved crossing a pretty busy road. We bought our 2 x 4 quid tickets, then waited and waited and waited. Taxi back the next morning was waiting outside, whisked us to the front door and cost us 10 quid. D'oh!

We did get all our bags. Not always on the same plane we were on, but we got them. Glad we skipped T5, but will be happy to use it, and stay in the attached hotel, next time.

Lizzie Stephenson said...

I was going to say what Vikki beat me too... just wait til you have to do that journey with child.... hoepfully never on your own!!!

Lizzie Stephenson said...

welcome back by the way.. did follow your travels on Twitter. Made me tired....

Ian said...

Yeah, well, with kid in tow it'll be no contest. Sod the cost, we're getting there the easiest way possible.

Jen said...

But, you see, your rants are always logical.

Lizzie Stephenson said...

that's why i fly business class.

well that makes me sound grander than i am. burke racks up thousands of miles with work travel and THATS why i fly business class but it certainly helps with the children.

course i'm not sure what emily would do if she had to sit in a common area instead of a lounge ;-) and she always automatically turns left on a plane. and it is weird to see a little child reclining in a business seat.

course the people in business class are usually delighted to see me and my two children turn up for the 8 hour flight....

Fi said...

Yeah good luck travelling with the kid! I'm sure Lizzie has a point about the other business class passengers, but isn't it more commonly "normal" people with kids in there anyway? Our friends flew business class to New Zealand 2 weeks ago and managed to get 2 seats for their 2year old who subsequently slept most of the way!

Vikki said...

Flying with a baby is easy cos they just sleep or feed. Travelling with older children is ok as they have their nintendo ds. It's when they are about 18m - 4yo that it's more of a struggle! I flew Heathrow-Logan with Lachlan on my own when he was 18 months and it was ok. People were actually helpful and the lady we sat next to watched him for me so I cold go to the loo. People who are parents themselves, even if their kids are grown-up are generally sympathetic. Anyone who's got a problem with it should get a life! We were all kids once after all! It's like people who get pissed off at learner drivers; be a bit more understanding!

Jen said...

I sat next to a mother and child once. The mother was the obnoxious one. She kept threatening to hit her son if he didn't stop this or didn't stop that. She said she doesn't like to teach him to hit, so I told her, "Maybe you should stop threatening to hit him then." She looked at me funny.

Later on, when we landed in Arizona and other child directly behind me threw up. The mother next to me kept yelling, "if you don't get us out of here, then it's not just going to be a child who throws up" at the top of her lungs.

That totally helped the situation.

I didn't feel bad for the mom next to me. I felt bad for her son. I did feel bad for the mom who's child threw up. No one, including the flight attendants, would help her. I finally asked the lady next to me if the lady behind us could have some of her baby wipes to help wipe up the puke. She refused saying she needed them for herself. I said, "surely you can find some in the airport?" She still refused.

Mom of the year, I reckon.

Ian said...

Don't worry, Lizzie, we all know you are grand.

Yeah, if I was going to New Zealand I'd go business class too. Of course, I'm only going if I can fly direct, as I'm never flying anywhere that involves a connection ever again.

18 months to 4 years? So, we'll just have to drive everywhere during that time. 'cos that works so well for you and Iain and results in very little vomiting. Hmm, I always wanted to see that big mountain with the presidents carved in it.

Ain't nobody getting any of my baby wipes either.